A controversial opinion on sex after a baby.

By 2/07/2016 , , , , ,

A few nights ago Jack showed me an article that was being shared around by some mums he knew on Facebook, calling out their husbands for expecting sex now they had a baby or child in the house.

My opinion in this post may come off as preachy, you may not agree with it and I may lose a hell of a lot of readership but I've seen this type of post so many times since falling pregnant and I rarely (if ever) see anyone sharing the other side. If you don't like what I write and I lose you as a reader, I guess that's fine.

I'm not going to the the person who doesn't write her opinion because she is scared of what someone else will think of her.

According to this writer who I will not name because I don't want to call anyone out directly, her husband was completely out of line and disgusting and demanding for expecting sex after their baby was born.

She wasn't talking about the weeks after or even the months, she was talking about at all. In the first 6 weeks after Isla was born, I did not want to be touched at all and due to the healing process and the demands of a new born, that was completely fair enough. Jack accepted that.

Some women are so traumatized by birth and have scars and healing that can take up to a year to pass- and that is fine.

however the attitude that husbands and partners should be ashamed and called out for thinking about being intimate or wanting to kiss and cuddle or more makes me so angry.

Women are describing their partners as making them sick for wanting to cuddle at the end of the day, and describe their advances in an almost animilistic manner.

Sex is not a one sided decision.

If your partner wants to be intimate and you are not in the mood, I don't believe you should just grin and bear it but their is such a thing as communication and it is only fair that you explain how you are feeling and discuss it as adults- the fact you have made a decision to bring a new life into the world makes me think you are mature enough to talk about sex.

The fact that I can go days without getting changed out of my comfy pajamas, showering, brushing my teeth or really doing anything more than cuddling Isla when she is poorly and Jack still comes home and wants a cuddle and a kiss is a blessing in my opinion.

I'm grateful that despite seeing my downstairs go through hell and back and seeing me pee myself and all the other gory details, Jack finds me attractive enough to want to even sleep next to me!

This whole concept of "not owing them sex!!!" is true of course, no-one should owe that type of thing to anyone else but as I said above, it is not a one sided decision and the way it is being approached online by so many women is ridiculous.

These women are making their husbands sound like they are assaulting the very air they breathe by even suggesting simple intimacy like cuddling on the sofa after what could've been a hard day for both sides.

I felt like my body wasn't my own for a long time after having Isla, and yes that put me off being intimate. I felt like I couldn't accept the new "physical me". The only thing that helped that was accepting that Jack still loved the new physical me and wanted to be with me.

Your husband or partner want to be with you because they love you, and they find you attractive- and probably even more attractive as you are the strong wonderful woman who bought their child into the world! Stop making dads sound like sex crazy perverts, and stop treating sex like a privilege that is one sided.

A relationship is a team effort- like I said, I agree you do not owe anyone anything but stop acting like your men are animals and shaming them for wanting some intimacy on the internet and just talk to them about it like an adult.

Thanks for reading,

Steph xo

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  1. Yes! This. Absolutely this! I am sometimes marvelled that my husband wants to be intimate sometimes when I am shattered in my track bottoms with no make up on and probably some snot trails. It shows me he loves me for me, the person inside and is that not a wonderful thing?

    1. Agree with you completely. I've gone from a constantly made up size 8 to a comfortable in leggings size 12 and I'm just so happy and content with myself because Jack still thinks I'm a hot mama! I don't understand how women can go so anti-husband after having a baby!

  2. I would have to agree with you. I'm really shocked that this is the view of some women. Men shouldn't have to be made to feel ashamed for wanting some intimacy with their partners and something must be fundamentally wrong if this is the case. Communication certainly is the key instead of these angry thoughts.

    1. I'm so glad you agree, thank you! If people can't communicate in a relationship, even about subjects like this that might be a bit taboo and have the potential for an argument, I don't know how they can communicate about anything. Thanks for reading x

  3. I can't imagine any relationship would last very long if this is the way one partner wants it to be. People, men and woman, need to have closeness and to be loved and any one will only accept rejection for so long before they stop asking and then it is over. Patience is needed on both sides and the love that made the baby in the first place should be cherished.

    1. I totally agree- some men or women may be less patient and thankfully Jack was super patient with me. But honestly there were times I didn't want to hear his thoughts and it was more damaging. I had to take the time to listen and if some women can never do this I don't know how the hurt from rejection can heal.

  4. I find it so weird that people actually feel hat way. Sex isn't just about the act it us about being close and feeling wanted. I am amazed after 3 kids and seeing me in all sorts of horrid positions my husband still finds me attractive enough of want to get intimate!

    1. "Sex isn't just about the act it us about being close and feeling wanted." this is exactly the point me and Jack agreed on when we had this discussion. I was shocked to read some women talking about it in any other way- as though their partners were primitive beings. Thanks for reading x