Pregnancy is gross.

By 2/18/2015


Now I'm noticeably fat enough to be pregnant, I'm being plagued with questions about it all.
A lot of the questions are the common ones you might expect to receive;

Do you know what you're having?
A human, as Jack likes to respond.

Does she kick?
I'd like to hope it's her taking up boxing on the entrance to my foofoo and not something severely wrong with me...

Do you get cravings?
Now this one is odd. I do have cravings. I crave chocolate, ketchup, fruit, yogurt... But people are never satisfied with my answer, apparently I'm not bizarre enough for them and they'd like to hear something far more exotic... 

But really back to the point of this post. Pregnancy is gross.


It is holding your stomach as you laugh, not sure if you're about to wet yourself or not for real. It is shouting your partner into the bathroom for a second opinion as you aren't really sure what a hemorrhoid looks like (sorry Jack).
It is a messy, sticky, leaky disaster of a miracle and if me and Jack weren't close before, I'd say having this baby has made us so close we are practically one person. There really is no room for being shy.

I'm not going to give too much information or share too many gross personal details. I don't want to put anyone off what really is a magical experience, but if I had been told all of these things, I may have felt more prepared to take them on myself.

Booby water pistols.

Boob milk, I was to believe, builds up over the pregnancy and magically starts to come out once your little angel utters their first cry for dinner. As usual, my preconceived thoughts over how my pregnant body works were wrong. Boob milk leaks, and this all started for me as early as 19 weeks into pregnancy. After an annoying few stabs of pain in my baby feeding area, I lifted up my top to investigate. After a few minor prods we experienced what I will refer to as 'booby pistol'. It's hard to believe, but really all I did was poke and out came a fountain of colostrum. I learnt to leave them alone after that incident, but as I get more and more pregnant the smallest things like taking a shower can set them off. Gross.

Farts.

I'm giggling like a child already writing this, but as gross as it seems, this is one of my favorites. Farts and gas in general are extremely prominent factors in pregnancy- and trust me when I say, there is no holding back. Ladies do in fact fart. Ladies do in fact burp. I've gone from shyly letting out a hoot and blushing at Jack while I hold in a giggle, to just full throttle not caring because 'the baby made me do it'. It's much less awkward than trying to hold it in. 

The C-word 

The books told us that this was one topic we should not take lightly. The books warned Jack that this is one thing we can't try to giggle about. This is a serious matter. I'm talking about your number 2...constipation.

Really- the books did say that it's something to take seriously as much as we laugh about it. I think I probably 'made' at most 2 times in 2 weeks in the beginning. It's strange, but I feel it was almost practice- I learnt to clap and demand praise every time I managed to use the bathroom, as I imagine our little girl will when she is potty training in the years to come. 

I'm sorry if for some people this was TMI.  Even though I whittled it down to the three topics above, there is so much more gross stuff that they don't tell you about! People focus on the cute stuff, but seem to forget making a baby isn't all glowing skin (that is just sweat- trust me) and little kicks... and I haven't even given birth or changed a nappy yet.

Thanks for reading :)
Steph xo

Super Busy Mum


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26 comments

  1. Very funny and all so true, it is disgusting and yet at least we can laugh at the fact...sometimes.

    #MMWBH

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    1. I complain a lot but I'd never take it back :) pregnancy is a sticky miracle. x

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  2. Hilarious post! Pregnancy is gross and awesome at the same time.

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  3. Farts and constipation! Yep this post is so spot on =P

    Oh and wait for the giving birth part cuz there might be some poo involve!

    #sharewithme

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    1. I've heard that from so many people, dreading it now!xx

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  4. It's a beautiful thing, eh?! I've been lucky to avoid the leaky boobs so far, but everything else...yeah, I'm doing that :) #Sharewithme

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  5. All the wonderful things about pregnancy that no one ever tells you. Let's not even start about the gross things about babies that people never tell you...

    #sharewithme

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    1. I know, I saw a slideshow of 'poop types'...put me off mustard for a while!xx

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  6. This is very funny... but all I can say is just wait! Lol... xx

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    1. It's only going to get worse :p xx

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  7. Ha ha - love this Steph - nothing prepares you does it! Ahh I remember first time round thinking 'wth?' so many times and now I'm doing it again, it's still all a bit weird. I wrote about my pregnancy 'joys' here if you fancy a read - http://www.mamamim.com/2014/11/the-joys-of-pregnancy-the-things-they-dont-tell-you.html? Mim :) #MMWBH

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    1. Brilliant post :) thanks for that! Hopefully I'll be totally prepared next time around but I have a feeling I'll still have something worse thrown in!xx

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  8. This is hilarious and so true. Pregnancy isn't a graceful thing is it? After having two definitely not any better afterwards hahahaha Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

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    1. I don't think it can be classed as even a little bit graceful :p xx

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  9. very funny - I have four and don't have any modesty left #sharewithme

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    1. There is no longer any mystery that's for sure!xx

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  10. Hilariously true! It gets even better though ;) #sharewithme

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  11. Oh my god, you are so right, it is so gross! It's all worth it in the end though. Right?!
    Anna (heading over from the #TwinklyTuesday linky

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  12. Oh this is brilliant...booby pistols �� all so true although I didn't suffer from the pistols! Pregnanct definitely makes you care less about bodily functions - anything to make you more comfy!! Thanks for linking up with #twinklytuesday

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    1. Aw thank you :D I've given up trying to be a lady now..! xx

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  13. Ha ha! Mine are a bit older and I'd forgotten (denial I believe it's called) some of this stuff, but it's all come flooding back (not literally, I hasten to add). My only craving was satsumas - equally dull. Pregnancy is many things but beautiful certainly ain't one of them - unless you're a man. Enjoy the madness! :-)

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    1. I'm hoping when I recall pregnancy it is all sparkles and glowing skin- but I really think the gross stuff outshines a lot ;) thank you xx

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